• How was I gonna do that

  May 10, 2010

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  Tags:  

  deployment   life   Deployment  

  We moved to Germany my husband just came out of recruiting., It was a big learning experience. Made my husband defenitely a lot more assertive. Which is good. Then found out that we had to live in Army housing, Im honest I cried. It felt like I lost all my independence . But you have to swollow and move on. No choice there.We knew that he was gonna get deployed which was gonna be his first one, We were the lucky ones . I still see it like that. I had my husband with me every night while other spouses were sitting home waitng and worried sick about their husbands/wives.I didnt tell Im from the Netherlands and my family is living a 3 hours drive away from us . Again lucky me. I decided that  I was gonna stay with my mom during my husbands deployment. , So he left 2nd Christmas day because yes we do have that in the Netherland and in Germany too. Crying my eyes off like everyone else always does and cleaned the house packed up my stuff and went with mom. I felt like I couldnt do this by myself and needed her to comfort me. I took my dog with me ofcourse . And things went wrong right away he got real sick and the vet had to put him to sleep the first week after my husband left. I was heartbroken . 2 of my biggest loves gone. My husband who was gonna come back my dog who was never gonna come back. Everything was crumbling under my feet and I cried and cried and cried and felt so desperate. Even staying with mom didnt make the heartache go away. We deceided to go to back to Germany for Carnival which is with a parade and people dressed up . I lost a lot of weight in the meanwhile still trying to deal with the situation that I was in and still feeling like I was gonna drown. I did have to stay because I had to take care of paperwork and had to get medical stuff done on post. So my mom and other familymembers that came along left and went back home. There I was all by myself. And did I feel lonely. Never felt like this. After a week or so it started to hit me that I wasnt doing bad that it was good to be in our house with our stuff . Sitting on our couch talking to my husband on skype in the evening. Lucky me again with only 2 hours of time difference.  I was gonna be ok and all of a sudden a I realized that I am a lot stronger then I ever knew  Now Im doing ok sometime lonely but I will call a friend or talk to a neighbor . My husband is gonna come home pretty soon on R&R and we are gonna have a blast . Asked him out fo a date and taking him on a trip to Italy . What happens after that when he has to go back? I deal with it day by day

  It is what it is. .You gotta do this when you marry a soldier. His job is just not an ordinairy job. But than again Im not an ordinairy spouse . I am an Army spouse !! ;-))

  submitted by Yvonne Poff on May 10 2010

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