My packing list for spending four nights out in the field looks like something from basic training. Yes, it may be 105 degrees out but darnit, winter PTs are a MUST! I know the logic behind such things, better to have it and not need it and than to need it and not have it. Still, my poor Focus looks like a someone threw up all things camo-related onto the seats and in the trunk.

Today was one of those days were I felt like I was not meant to a soldier. My shakes (which are always present) were so bad! It's like they knew I had to pick up a weapon and made it as diificult as possible for me to do anything with it. No excuses though. I was just thoroughly disheartened at EST. It's things like this that make me wonder why I'm here, why am I wearing this unifrom. Am I really cut out for this?

I also thought that no matter what your rank, you help your battle buddies. The class is only as strong as its weakest member so why ignore them? I'm not the fastest runner by any means and even less so with my West Point grad classmates; nonetheless, it frustrates me that the best refuse to help those that need it but instead buddy up with each other. Is this a trait of an officer? Perhaps it's the former NCO in me always wanting to be soldiering others who cringes at the behavior of my peers. I try to help those that need it as much as possible because let's face it, we all don't have our s*** together 24/7. Complaining because those from other countries (our Internatonal Officers) or those several years older are too slow does nothing. Run with them! Answer their questions! Be a leader like you claim you are.

*Steps off soapbox now.*

I felt like a glorified private today, but am learning an important lesson: It doesn't matter what patch is velcroed to your chest, we all wear the same uniform in the end.